crazyforms

The wackiest new craze

A men's Survival Guide for the new millennium

Q: What should you do when you first see a woman?

A:  Introduce yourself with a smile Ask if you can buy her a drink Pinch her butt Check whether she wears a ring Check whether she has a pulse Check whether she has an Adam's apple

Q: When is it appropriate to approach the subject of a goodnight kiss?

A: After the third proper date After your first time together Kiss, schmiss, foreplay sucks- let's get right to business When you're sure her husband's not home When your wife's detective stops following you Only after you're sure she's disease free

Q: What is the best gift for a woman you are dating?

A: Belgian dark and white truffle chocolate The finest wine that you can find at the cornershop A sixpack of beer, a hot lesbian video and a tube of KY A cookery book A book entitled "How to drive your man wild"- she can use some help A packet of contraceptive pills and a home pregnancy testing kit

Q: What is appropriate music for your quiet dinner at home?

A: Marvin Gaye, Barry White or Otis Redding Hits and occasional misses of the Doobie Brothers Famous one hit wonders of the late 70s Uncle Kracker, Kid Rock and Eminem Fifty Cent, NWA, Tupac, Biggy and other murdered or soon to be murdered rap stars Something loud- anything to make her shut up

Q: How much should a healthy male drink per night?

A: No more than a sip of fine red wine A bottle of Michelob and two margaritas Three tequila shooters, seven beers and half a bottle of Jim Beam Half a keg of beer, twelve mojitos and a bottle of cough syrup A keg of beer, two bottles of bourbon and a bottle of nail polish remover Whatever you can find- thirteen beers, eight bottles of bourbon and eight cans of antifreeze

Q: What breed of dog is best for a bachelor pad?

A: A miniature pinscher or a chihuahua A Jack Russell terrier or a beagle A boxer or a labrador A real man size dog, like a Great Dane Something big with sharp teeth Whatever pisses off my neighbours the most

Q: Is it ever appropriate to have sexual relations with a co-worker?

A: Only if she's your wife Only if she's the boss's daughter Only if she's the boss Only if you're her boss Only if she's hot Only if she lets you