When pensioners attack

 

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. I read last week, in a daily paper, about a 67-year-old woman, who sexually attacked and robbed a 68-year-old man that she met outside Nicosia General Hospital.

 

Apparently this happened last April when the woman invited the man over to her place for “a cup of coffee”. The woman, whose name has (understandably) not been released, led the man to a cul-de-sac where she kissed him passionately and grabbed his genitals. The details here are, mercifully, a little blurry, but apparently the woman took some money from the man, pulled away, looked around nervously and told him “they’ll see us!” Then she ran away.

 

The 68-year-old only noticed that he was missing £200 when he got home, so he went to the local police station, where the police called the woman up and told her to come, post-haste, to the station. The woman, who it later transpired, was a serial assaulter who had robbed several unsuspecting senior citizens (a kind of she-dragon, but with more wrinkles), refused and sent the £200 with a taxi.

 

Last week, the case appeared before poor Judge Aggelos David, who has my infinite sympathy for having to put up with the events that ensued during the court hearing. The 67-year-old woman admitted to swiping the man’s money but later told the court that the “old man” had got his money back. At this point, and I am not making this up, the 68-year-old man stood up and loudly complained “I am not an old man!” At this point also, I imagine, the judge put his head in hands and prayed for strength to get through the case.

 

The “old man” then told the court that he had remembered that the defendant had in fact not taken £200 but £195 because, as he admitted, he had bought a sandwich and a coffee. So he offered to hand back the fiver to the woman. The judge suggested that this small economic difference could be settled out of court then, having taken into account the charges of sexual assault and robbery and the fact that he had had enough of both the plaintiff and defendant, ruled that the woman should pay fines totalling £350, and then, probably, went home to have a strong drink.

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